10 easy rules to follow when at a bar:
1. Never say no, unless it's something totally unreasonable like making out with less than a 7. This is the mother... nay... Grand mother of all rules.
2. Always order two rounds shots (20) - a minimum of five per person.
3. Never tell the truth about anything. Yes, you are a skydiving instructor and yes, you did save somebody's life earlier today.
4. Be a party of at least four people. One is just a no go - you need at least a wingman. Two is a date - regardless if it's two dudes. If you're three people, one will be left alone when the two dudes start wingmaning. Four - perfect. No one's left alone and you actually look like you have friends. Plus if the bar is total shit you always have each other to hit on.
5. No pets. NO PETS!
6. Do at least one body shot. They're fun and you get drunk. A guy I know lost his virginity while doing one... Just saying.
7. No more than a total of three pictures! You want to be able to remember the night, but you don't want to get caught puking or talking to "unhealthy" girls.
8. Beer is for men, cocktails are for the boob-carriers. Shots are for both. Acceptable cocktails for men include: Vodka & Red Bull, Jack & Coke, and White Russian.
9. If you can dance, dance! If not, oh well. The dance floor is the one place where you should look like a douche and not care about it at all. Wanna have the funnest night of your life? Then bust out the worm. The chicks dig it.
10. Crowd surf! The ultimate ending to an epic night. Pull this off without the music stopping or getting thrown out of the bar! Mission accomplished when doing nothing but high-fives for the next three minutes.
Go have the best night out, ever!
